Dealing with Grief

As some of you know we lost our beautiful girl Tia a few days after we left for our overseas holiday. 

She showed no signs or symptoms of anything being wrong before we left and none during those days after. She passed peacefully in her sleep and we are grateful that she didn’t suffer. 

Getting a phone call from your pet sitter that your dog has passed is not something I ever want to experience again, nor do I ever want to have to make that call either. It’s my worst fear as Chief Pawson and as a dog lover. 

I can only imagine how hard it was to do that. I could hear how devastated and upset she was also. It’s truly heartbreaking for us both. 

So how do you deal with it?

There is no right or wrong way to deal with the grief of losing your dog, regardless of if you are travelling at the time or not. We are all different and grief is such a personal thing to manage. 

Having lost 3 furbabies before, I know I dealt with the grief in different ways for each of them as the circumstances were different. 

What I know, from personal experience is that NOT dealing with it is not a great tactic. 

Grief has a way of catching up to you which I found out when my beloved Jazz passed away 16 years ago. I thought by keeping busy and distracted I’d be ok. But 6 months later I fell in a heap and my therapist told me I had delayed grief and I now had to deal with it. 

Like the death of a human, there are stages you will go through. 

After the initial shock, heartbreak, and sadness, it is often anger at them for leaving you. You know this is irrational but still feel like you were cheated somehow. Why didn’t we have more time together? Shock – how can this be? Is it really happening? No, it can’t be true!!! 

There are no right steps for you to take in the grieving process and you need to do what is best for you but this is what I found has helped me grieve.

• Let it out – cry your damn heart out and feel the pain. There is no escaping it. I wish I could say there was but you can’t. I felt like I couldn’t stop for hours but as we got the news late at night I eventually fell asleep. Then it started again when I woke and realized it wasn’t a dream. But the tears gradually lessen each day. 
• The first 48 hours were the hardest – the next day for us felt like a daze. We were in London but didn’t feel like smiling for photos or really doing anything. But we forced ourselves to get out and about otherwise we would sit in our room and cry all day. 
• It slowly gets better – each day there were a few less tears. You know you need to move forward and you take those steps slowly. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them or miss them. 
• Talk to them and about them – we found it helpful to talk about her and her little ‘diva’ attitude and mannerisms. I have been talking to her as if I know she will be around us, even if we can’t see her. If we saw a dog that looked like her or something that reminded us of her, we’d talk about it as a happy memory. 
• Look at photos or videos – I would sit and look at photos or watch videos and yeh, I would often cry, but I think it’s healthy to let it out and feel the grief.
• Be ready for the unexpected moments – these will happen when you least expect it. I had one when I wrote out a card to someone and I had to sign our names. I always include the doggies as they are our family and I still included Tia in this circumstance because it felt like the right thing to do. But it will get you out of the blue and it’s ok to get upset when it does.
• It is OK to feel depressed – it’s ok to have times when you feel depressed, extremely sad, and lost. You might feel isolated or lonely and often people without dogs, don’t understand just how big the loss is for you. 
• Don’t plan what’s next – we never know what the future holds. I know people who get another dog quickly. Others wait years. There is no right or wrong thing to do. You will need to do what works for you when the time is right. 

I know at some point I will feel calmer and ready to put the pieces back together so I can move forward. I don’t know when that day will be but from past experience, I know it will come at some point. 

Grieving the loss of your furbaby is never going to be easy. I know we gave our girl a great life, lots of love, and the best care we could. You will always feel like you could’ve done more. Even if that might not be a practical or realistic thing to think. It’s called being human and always thinking that you could’ve done more when our heads know that we will outlive them, and they leave us sooner than we want them to. 

Even as I type with tears pouring down my face, I know we did all we could for our girl and I hope that this message makes it for those who need it most. I like to think of my darling girl doing all her favorite things, playing with all our four-legged angels, looking over us, and being near us when we need them most. 

Rest in peace, Tia. We love you all the way around the world and back again.

Furever in our hearts and memories.