If you’re lucky enough to have shared your life with a dog for many years, you’ll know the deep, unshakable bond that grows between you. You’ve walked the same paths, shared lazy afternoons, celebrated silly little milestones, and built a language only the two of you truly understand. But when your dog begins to age, something subtle shifts. Your heart starts to ache for a goodbye that hasn’t yet come. And that is what I am feeling right now.

That’s anticipatory grief. And man, it is hard because your head and your heart often provide conflicting messages.

I know my own dogs have taught me more about love and living in the moment than any book or course ever could. When I think about the times I’ve faced anticipatory grief, there are moments that still make me tear up like the way Latte would rest her chin on my knee, as if to say, “It’s okay, I’m still here.”

As many of you know we lost our beautiful girl Tia while travelling overseas last year. I still feel guilt and grief to this day however there is now another layer on top of that and that there is the Anticipatory grief I feel now about Latte, in particular who is 15.5 year old. This is exacerbated when we travel as I worry even more, given we lost Tia while travelling.

Every night I give her a big kiss and tell her I love her. If we go away for a weekend or on a trip, I lecture her about making sure she doesn’t go anywhere and must wait for mummy to be here with her. I feel it more and more the older she gets. Shayne tells me to stop worrying but of course, that is easier said than done. (and he knows better than to tell me to do anything LOL)

There is a sadness you feel when you know you’ll one day have to let go, but your dog is still here still padding around the house, still curling up beside you, still looking at you with those eyes that say “I’m your dog forever.”

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief is the mourning that begins before the actual loss. It can happen when you notice your dog slowing down, when their walks become shorter, or when you find yourself memorising the sound of their breathing at night. It’s a way your heart tries to prepare for the day you’ll have to say goodbye, even though there’s no real way to be ready.

You might feel:

• A constant undercurrent of sadness – even on good days.
• Guilt – for feeling upset when your dog is still here.
• An urge to cherish every single moment – which can be beautiful, but also exhausting.

Why it’s okay to feel this way

Anticipatory grief doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your dog or loving them less, it means you love them deeply. You’re simply aware of how precious your time together is. And while this feeling can be heavy, it can also bring a sense of clarity: a reminder to be present, to spoil them with the things they love most, and to create even more beautiful memories. But I totally understand how hard this as I feel it every day.

Finding comfort in the now

Instead of worrying about ‘what if’ and ‘when’  you need to take comfort in the now and enjoy the precious time and moments you have every day.

Here are a few gentle ways to cope while your dog is still with you:

• Make new traditions – maybe it’s “Pancake Saturday” where they get a little dog-safe treat, or a nightly snuggle ritual.
• Capture the little things – take videos of them doing their everyday quirks: the way they tilt their head, their morning stretch, the sound of their happy sigh.
• Talk about it – share your feelings with friends who understand or in a community of dog lovers who’ve been there.
• Let them lead – adapt activities to match their comfort level. A short sniffy walk might mean more to them now than a long hike.

A softer goodbye (for now)

I think a lot about my girl Latte. I wonder if she knows how worried I am. I wonder if her sister is talking to her from across the rainbow. I wonder when it will be time. I just hope and pray we will have control over how her life ends and hopefully it will be painless and peaceful.

The truth is, love like this doesn’t vanish when they’re gone. It lingers in your routines, in the way you still glance at their favourite spot, in the quiet comfort you feel when you think of them. I know that from Tia. Anticipatory grief is a sign of that love.

So, while your dog is still here, let yourself laugh with them, take the silly photos, sit in the sunshine together, and tell them, over and over again that they are the best dog in the world. One day, those moments will be the treasures you hold onto most tightly.

And until that day comes, you still have today. And that’s something truly precious.